I have always been fascinated by old luggage.  The stories that this piece of luggage could tell about where it has been.  South America to China to London to Berlin before the wall came down. How about Auschwitz where Holocaust victims met some of their final days.  The stories and travels and knowledge would be never ending...I find this so true wiht our lives as well.  If the walls of our house could talk....what about the walls of your car?  How about if your brain matter coudl outwardly share everything that is going on in your head.  What if every secret you have ever had or every experience could be discussed could be shared could be told? 

Oh if only the walls could talk from our home growing up.  All the stories that it saw and heard.  The battles, the crys, the outpouring. Silent sobing from under the covers.  It was all there--and we received a "travel sticker" for every adventure we had been through every pain, ever grief, every worry, every experience, every life that touched ours, every life we have touched.  How many stickers would be on your heart? 

This has been on my mind today--all the things that child abuse or incest survivors have been through---the sneaking, the lies, the undercoverness, the masquerades, the acting, And the ability to retire the old luggage of our hearts and minds and say NO MORE.  Close the chapter and call it good.....take your stickers of experience and start to share them.  And maybe your hurt isn't  abuse--maybe drugs, sexuality,

Don't want to share with someone....share on a journal...unleash the secrets of your soul, the secrets of your spirit, start to release and let all the stickers out.  "Pain"---write it down, tell someone, tell them what you have been through, talk to your journal in your words..."Hurt"---scream and yell---get it all out, write it all down---..

Find your avenue and begin  the process--begin releasing your inner stickers for your sake----everywhere you have been makes you who you are --- EMBRACE YOU!!  

Abuse/incest isn't your fault--and you deserve to unleash those inner stickers.....retire the old luggage and lets move on to the new--TOGETHER.

My hearts out to you all tonight.
-P

Sixteen years ---- and it took 14 years of that to get to "forgiveness".  I remember staying up night after night and thinking why me, why would a father do thiese things to their families let alone their children.  WHY ME?  And then as I began to realize that God didn't make him do the things he did, he did the things he did on his own accord.  I kept thinking about how the abuse was eating me up inside on a daily basis, how he still had control of  me, of my life, of my healing.  That is when I started and continue to pray.  There had to be a way to get over this and move on and get it out of my mind...there had to be a way to take control of my life and no longer allow him to control it from where he was in the world...not even in my "life".  Amazing isn't the power of not forgiving the power that a person can have over our lives and not even be in the day to day?  Keep on keepin' on, fake it till you make it....I used all these sayings constantly----the only way to keep going....one of the necessary tools to get to the end results---->

I remember reading  a qutoe once....

"Not forgiving is like you eating the rat poison, but the rat still gets away."

Unforgiveness is rat poison in your life...the hate, the anomocity, the pain isn't hurting the perpetrator at all---just allows them to continue to control your life, allows them to continue  to talk words and thoughts into your head---

I am not saying its easy, but it's necessary....don't allow your perpertrator to continue to control you, continue to abuse you, and continue be in your head.  STOP the pain---it might take you a very long time, but it is so worth it in the end.

Have a great night---and remember you and your life is worth way more than the pain that they caused....

TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

love you all.

This is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. 
Statistics are amazing 90% of all children who are abused know their perpetrators.  68% of them are family.  That was the boat that I was in.  He was a military officer, yes my father, he was educated, degreed, trained in intelligence.  He was calculated, manipulative, and very good at everyone thinking he was a great guy.  He had the wool over everyone he knew's eyes.  It was amazing now when you look back and think about it.

My plea to all is to educate your children, talk about sex, talk about safe touching.  Education, communication and openness--don't let it go by the wayside.  This site is dedicated to overcoming and forgiving, but due to the timeliness of April and Child Abuse Prevention Month -- I wanted to touch on the subject.

There are great book at Family Christian Bookstores to help you figure out how to communicate the subject to your children, just don't let them learn about such an important topic on their own.  Please--Don't hesitate.

Also please check out Childhelp.org, they are an amazing organization dedicated to prevention and treatment of child abuse.  Sara O'Meara & Yvonne Fedderson founded in 1959 and they have done amazing things!  Thank you for reading this blog.  Please be praying as well that this site will help someone, somewhere who needs it. Thank you. 

Years and years have gone by since I was abused, but wow, does it take a long time to get it all worked through to really move to the phase where you can feel released and like your life is moving forward. 

It is amazing how the hold on your life can be so significant when your abused.  I believe this to be true with many types of abuse and doesn't really matter the number of occurrences.  A person can be abused once and feel and act the same as someone who has been abused all of their lives.

People also respond to abuse differently--some survivors suffer through drugs, jail, becoming abusers and the list goes and then there are some that somehow someway keep on keepin' on.  Very interesting how different we all our even with our situations seeming so similar.  The "human" factor.  I believe this to also be true in forgiveness....we all handle forgiveness in our own manner.  I thought this excerpt from Beverly Flanigan was interesting.....as in my story those closest to us are the ones that hurt or injur us the most.  She mentions that "Where love has been a part of the relationship, the shrapnel of the human destruction is strewn..."  This sure applies to so many aspects of our lives....but so true to those that are abused....more are abused by those close to them then those they don't know.....

Excerpts from the book “Forgiving the Unforgivable” by Beverly Flanigan, M.S.S.W.
"Unforgivable injuries are the injuries of intimate people. When they happen, hearts are broken, and the essence of intimacy is destroyed. So, the worst kind of human wounds occur not on battlefields but in our homes. The worst injurers are not enemies or strangers in a foxhole but our husbands and wives, children, parents, and friends. Where love has been a part of the relationship, the shrapnel of human destruction is strewn in our living rooms and bedrooms in the form of aborted dreams and wounded hopes. Wars may terminate with the signing of peace treaties, but intimate injuries have no such formal mechanism for ending them. The most intimate of injuries are often left festering and unresolved-either unforgiven or unforgivable."

What is your story??  What was your reaction?  Where are you at in your grieving process over the abuse that you have experienced.  Love to hear your story.

It took me years to quit looking over my shoulder wondering if my abuser was following me or stalking me.  It was tough, it was so hard to realize that I am a grown woman now and he isn't going to hurt me anymore.....bitterness/anger gives your perpetrator the ability to continue to control you.  As long as you hold on to resentment, pain, fear, anxiety---they are in control.  Even if you weren't sexually abused or emotionally abused or physically abused--this also applies to pain from being pushed by your parents, eating disordere, girl friend / boy frien betrayal....take the control out of their hands and put into yours.  Read this:

What is forgiveness? Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

These 16 years since the abuse ended, the court cases were decided, and he was released from prison---amazing to find out how many have overcome, are living their dream, or doing amazing things with where they have come from.  "Ultimate Forgiveness" the key---surviving yes, finding your voice, stopping the silence, and then ----forgiving and living.  Check out these well known survivors/livers!

SURVIVORS

This hasn't been an easy journey, but good things/right things never seem to be easy.  So please join me in a journey of seeking, survival, speaking, living, and forgiving. 

This has been a wild ride these 37 years, but I know that each and every moment of every experience has made me who I am today and where I am at today is pretty good.  I hope that you can join me in getting to "Ultimate Forgiveness" of your self and of your perpetrator.