Yes, I admit it--I am a control freak. There are many things that I don't need to have control over, but many that I do. I am not a planner persay and am quite spontaneous, but what I have decided recently I need to be better in control of my feelings, not an area I am such a freak about right now.
Time to work on that. As a survivor.....or at least for me, I worry about being let down, I worry about being hurt, I worry about being disappointed - by the important people in my life. All things that my bio-dad was a part of....but all of those are feelings that I control -- no one places those upon me for me to carry. I take situations and times and pull those feelings out of whatever the situation may be.
Most of the time what I have realized is that the people involved in the situation doesn't even realized that I am feeling a certain way about the situation....hence my ownership of the emotions and feelings.
Tough thing to grasp. Because I don't want to feel those things, I try to set up situations or play a role in those situations so that I don't come out on the other side feeling let down, guilty, disappointed, hurt, etc......so time to buck up.
Time to be different, time to change my thinking and my ways. None of those feelings are fun...and I challenge you that if you come out of times feeling any of these feelings to step back and remember that no one makes you feel guilty, no one makes you feel disappointed, no one makes you feel let down, and no one makes you feel regret.
A couple survivors I spoke to this weekend are struggling in the same manner. Controlling life (nearly impossible) might lessen the feelings that we have that hurt, but in reality....controlling doesn't help - actually makes it worse.
My opinion....part of healing and surviving through this thing called life -- is owning what is ours to own and persevering through all that this life has to offer.
Praying for lives to be changed.
-P
First live recorded talk about my story: Child Abuse Survival
Time to work on that. As a survivor.....or at least for me, I worry about being let down, I worry about being hurt, I worry about being disappointed - by the important people in my life. All things that my bio-dad was a part of....but all of those are feelings that I control -- no one places those upon me for me to carry. I take situations and times and pull those feelings out of whatever the situation may be.
Most of the time what I have realized is that the people involved in the situation doesn't even realized that I am feeling a certain way about the situation....hence my ownership of the emotions and feelings.
Tough thing to grasp. Because I don't want to feel those things, I try to set up situations or play a role in those situations so that I don't come out on the other side feeling let down, guilty, disappointed, hurt, etc......so time to buck up.
Time to be different, time to change my thinking and my ways. None of those feelings are fun...and I challenge you that if you come out of times feeling any of these feelings to step back and remember that no one makes you feel guilty, no one makes you feel disappointed, no one makes you feel let down, and no one makes you feel regret.
A couple survivors I spoke to this weekend are struggling in the same manner. Controlling life (nearly impossible) might lessen the feelings that we have that hurt, but in reality....controlling doesn't help - actually makes it worse.
My opinion....part of healing and surviving through this thing called life -- is owning what is ours to own and persevering through all that this life has to offer.
Praying for lives to be changed.
-P
First live recorded talk about my story: Child Abuse Survival
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