Spaghetti was one of my mom's favorite meals. This was her go-to food of choice. It was easy, pasta, Ragu and BAM! Dinner. As far back as I can remember, we had spaghetti once a week. When the going got tough and she felt she had no control or she was trying to manage relationships between my biological father and her mother or she was trying to manage the relationship between my brother and my biological father, she would shut down and spend the next 5-7 days in bed. She would get up long enough to make dinner and assure we were ready for the next day. As hard as she tried, my mother couldn't manage the relationship between them. It was so hard on her that she would shut down with worry and anxiety.
Managing relationships. Have you ever tried it? Have you tried to scan the horizon to anticipate what reactions people in your life will have between each-other, how they will react to each other, or how to majage what is said to who when? Well let me tell you first hand, it is exhausting. It is a life lesson I learned from a very young age.
It was my job to assure that my biological father was happy so that he didn't treat any of the rest of my family members badly. To assure that if he started to say something to my grandmother that would set her off, that I jumped in and changed the subject, or if my grandmother started to push his buttons with her tone, that I distracted her and take her to some where else in the house.
To this day I try and manage relationships. This need and want to assure that everyone is happy and enjoying themselves, exhausting and I am truly unable to make this work, most of the time. I am acutely aware of this downfall, that I carry. I can't manage everyone and how they are with each-other, I can only manage me. I have to remind myself of this almost daily. I know what I learned growing up and I worked hard to assure that I was doing what I was suppose to and that everyone was happy.
What I didn't know then was, it didn't work then either. But I was too young to know the difference. I just knew that most of the time my biological father wouldn't get mad or angry and he would remind me what my responsibility was to assure that his needs were met.
This is only one of the many things I learned during my childhood years. There is so much baggage that comes with abuse, abuse of any kind. But child abuse, leaves scars and baggage that can take years and sometime a lifetime to over come.
There is a lot of hard work that has to happen, but in the end you will be thankful for putting in the time. Really analyze yourself, get feedback from those that you trust and care about and make a plan with yourself, an accountability partner or a therapist.
You too can move beyond the effects of the abuse, even if it feels far away, its worth the time!
Join me by staying in your own lane...continued growth to all!
-P
Managing relationships. Have you ever tried it? Have you tried to scan the horizon to anticipate what reactions people in your life will have between each-other, how they will react to each other, or how to majage what is said to who when? Well let me tell you first hand, it is exhausting. It is a life lesson I learned from a very young age.
It was my job to assure that my biological father was happy so that he didn't treat any of the rest of my family members badly. To assure that if he started to say something to my grandmother that would set her off, that I jumped in and changed the subject, or if my grandmother started to push his buttons with her tone, that I distracted her and take her to some where else in the house.
To this day I try and manage relationships. This need and want to assure that everyone is happy and enjoying themselves, exhausting and I am truly unable to make this work, most of the time. I am acutely aware of this downfall, that I carry. I can't manage everyone and how they are with each-other, I can only manage me. I have to remind myself of this almost daily. I know what I learned growing up and I worked hard to assure that I was doing what I was suppose to and that everyone was happy.
What I didn't know then was, it didn't work then either. But I was too young to know the difference. I just knew that most of the time my biological father wouldn't get mad or angry and he would remind me what my responsibility was to assure that his needs were met.
This is only one of the many things I learned during my childhood years. There is so much baggage that comes with abuse, abuse of any kind. But child abuse, leaves scars and baggage that can take years and sometime a lifetime to over come.
There is a lot of hard work that has to happen, but in the end you will be thankful for putting in the time. Really analyze yourself, get feedback from those that you trust and care about and make a plan with yourself, an accountability partner or a therapist.
You too can move beyond the effects of the abuse, even if it feels far away, its worth the time!
Join me by staying in your own lane...continued growth to all!
-P
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