Hey there everyone, took a few days to enjoy the weekend with the kiddos.  Hope this finds you all doing well. 

Things have been a little crazy!!  So we have been talking healing, loving, teaching, and moving on with life....but how can we do any of that without laughter?? So tonight I want to share my thoughts on living life large --- after you have found your ULTIMATE FORGIVENESS.

Life is really an amazing blessing, for many of us pieces of it suck, that is pretty much the simple way to state it right?  I have read the saying "Poop (in other terms) happens and then you die".  Of course we all know that life throughs curve balls all the time: abuse---yep a big curve ball, financial struggles, job losses, day to day life, loves and more loves....and there comes a time when you just have to laugh.  Why is it that we get so many things coming at us at one time???  Why is it that sometimes it seems as though it's never anything good??  After you have found your voice, after you have found your forgiveness.....it's time for life, love and laughter.
My moto in life:
Love, dream and live BIG

Life is too short, when half you life has been taken up by abuse, incest, molestation, rape, ----it's time to pull up your bootstraps and start loving, dreaming, and living BIG and BIGGER.....it's time to take life by the horns and enjoy every minute of it...laughing, enjoying and rejoicing that you have a life.
So find the eyes of a child -- see the world for what it is--the blessings all around you ....the sunsets, the flowers, LIFE!!!!!!  Watch this clip, I guarantee that there is no way that you can sit back and get your life back....enjoy every moment of it......and LAUGH!!!!

Love you all, praying for lives to be changed!!!

"I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

Howdy you all....hope this finds everyone doing well tonight.
The weather is toying with us in the Seattle area....nice and now...its going to turn bad, bad, bad---rain thunder lightening...wooo wee fun!

So today I spent a couple hours in the dentist chair having a tooth extracted....as I sat there and tugged and pulled and cracked and drilled---I really go to thinking about healing and coming to peace with the abuse that you have endured. 

In my situation my bio-dad played such mind games.  He would come in my room at night when everyone was sleeping to do as he wished or to try and then the next day the morning would come and everything was honkey dorey.  He would want everything to be normal, like as though nother ever happened the night before.  This was his typical way of doing things.

He would joke and laugh and we would play the game.  But the pain continue to grow and fester and eat away at my insides.  How could this man who is suppose to protect us and provide for us, be so mean and hateful, then turn around and want to be the best dad on the planet.  Really??

Just like my tooth extraction, if we as survivors don't go through the steps to heal so that we can then in turn help others heal, we will never ever feel good about ourselves, who we are, and even more so we will never be able to forgive.

Take the steps to healing....BE BRAVE......do what you need to do to find your voice, and then find your ULTIMATE FORGIVENESS....the forgiveness isn't for them....it's for you so that you can keep living!!!

Please read this article from Oprah, Dr. Howard Frankin, PhD---steps for healing check it out.Love to all, praying for lives to be changed.

Today I read an article that really fired up my passion about the subject of molestation, rape, and kidnapping of children (actually any crime against children, just sends me into overdrive.

Elizabeth Smart Article

Being a survivor, I am very passionate about the topic of child abuse.  I also am very very aware of the psychological effects of child abuse, incest, etc,  This article talks about the defense team of Brian David Mitchell (the abductor of Elizabeth Smart) is stating that Elizabeth Smart, a "survivor", has no long term psychological effects. That she has overcome what has been done to her and that Mitchell deserves a lesser sentence than is being proposed.

OH  BOY!  Well, "survivor" is a great term to get to beyond "victim", but I guarantee you that no matter how much time has past, how much counseling, no matter how much a "survivor" you are....the damage is ALWAYS there.  Even though you can overcome and have a life and FORGIVE, there are times that memories, triggers cause everything to come back to the forefront of your mind. 

In my situation there are times that I see military men that have their hair cut or styled a certain way, a man that has smiliarities or traits as my biological father (this still happens today), when someone--normally a man--just doesn't give me a good vibe.  Yes these instances are way less than they ever have been, but THEY ARE STILL THERE. 

Abuse like what Elizabeth went through -- is not something that anyone can just turn their back on and walk away -- and act like it never-ever happened.  Yes we can overcome and yes we can make changes in our lives, and we can FORGIVE so that we can live and love again.  BUT the long term effects are ALWAYS tucked away, waiting at the surface to be unleished.

So to those that are defending Mitchell, to those of you that are abusers, to those of you that are SURVIVORS---being molested, abuducted, raped, attacked, beaten, and on and on and on --- are very violent acts against children, whether or not the action is actually violent...these acts are so violent in their own right, that they impact a life FOREVER.

Keep an eye out, stay informed, stay educated and don't stop protecting your children.

Love to all, praying for lives to be changed.

The picture in today's blog, is from this blog.... please check it out....interesting article.  Psychological Effects

Dedicated to Elizabeth Smart a strong young woman---praying for justice.

This is the song on the home page of this website I wanted to put the lyrics in the blog for everyone to take their time and let it all sink in.  Chris August wronte 7x70.  As you can tell from the Lyrics he went through some hell on earth as did many othes.  I am not going to get wordy tonight, just want to say their is "healing in the air tonight"  and what I do know is that each and every one of you deserve the best possible life designed for you.  Please Please Please---stop letting the monster's -- no matter who they are, continue to control your life!!!!  Grasp the healing....make a difference in your lives, the lives of your partners, family friends, and your co-workers.  Make a difference---impact a life EVERY single day. 
Love to all, praying for lives to be changed.

There is "HEALING IN THE AIR TONIGHT."

Lyrics to 7x70 :

I’ve been living in this house here
Since
the day that I was born
These walls have seen me happy
But most of all they’ve seen me torn
They’ve heard the screaming matches
That made a
family fall apart
They’ve had a front row seat
To the breaking of my
heart

7 times 70 times
I’ll do what it takes to make it right
I
thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way
7 times 70
times
There’s healing in the air tonight
I’m reaching up to pull it
down
Gonna wrap it all around

I remember running down the
hallway
Playing hide-and-seek
I didn’t know that I was searching
For
someone to notice me
I felt alone and undiscovered
And old enough to
understand
Just when I’m s’posed to be learning to love you
Let me doubt
again

7 times 70 times
I’ll do what it takes to make it right
I
thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way
7 times 70
times
There’s healing in the air tonight
I’m reaching up to pull it
down
Gonna wrap it all around

I lost count of the ways you let me
down
But no matter how many times you weren’t around
I’m all right
now

God picked up my heart and helped me through
And shined a light on
the one thing left to do
And that’s forgive you
I forgive you

7
times 70 times
If that’s the cost I’ll pay the price
7 times 70
times
I’ll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain was here
to stay
But forgiveness made a way

7 times 70 times
There’s healing
in this house tonight
I’m reaching up to pull it down
Gonna wrap it all
around
Yeah
I’m gonna wrap it all around

I’ve been living in this
house here
Since the day that I was born

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I’ve been living in this house here
Since the day that I
was born
These walls have seen me happy
But most of all they’ve seen me
torn
They’ve heard the screaming matches
That made a family fall
apart
They’ve had a front row seat
To the breaking of my heart

7
times 70 times
I’ll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain
was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way
7 times 70 times
There’s
healing in the air tonight
I’m reaching up to pull it down
Gonna wrap it
all around

I remember running down the hallway
Playing
hide-and-seek
I didn’t know that I was searching
For someone to notice
me
I felt alone and undiscovered
And old enough to understand
Just when
I’m s’posed to be learning to love you
Let me doubt again

7 times 70
times
I’ll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain was here
to stay
But forgiveness made a way
7 times 70 times
There’s healing in
the air tonight
I’m reaching up to pull it down
Gonna wrap it all
around

I lost count of the ways you let me down
But no matter how many
times you weren’t around
I’m all right now

God picked up my heart and
helped me through
And shined a light on the one thing left to do
And
that’s forgive you
I forgive you

7 times 70 times
If that’s the
cost I’ll pay the price
7 times 70 times
I’ll do what it takes to make it
right
I thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a
way

7 times 70 times
There’s healing in this house tonight
I’m
reaching up to pull it down
Gonna wrap it all around
Yeah
I’m gonna
wrap it all around

I’ve been living in this house here
Since the day
that I was born

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Today was an interesting day!  Emotions all around.  Starting back to working out, lifestyle change, creating a habit, not a flukey one time deal...so on day 2 of that.  Some good conversations with friends that are going through some tough stuff....and then sharing this site and the blog with my Mother.....yep she didn't know about the site, the book in progress, or any of it. 

Timing....well do it when it's on your heart right???  So shared with her tonight, had her check out all the pages of this site and read 2 of the blog posts including the one that I wrote to her.  We both cried.  She still carries so much guilt for everything and I realized tonight, what I wrote in the blog post "Ode to my mother" I never told her any of that in person.  I have always told her I didn't blame her and I don't hold any anomocities towards her at all...and that is the honest truth. 

She was so excited to read what I wrote and said it really made her feel better, she said her "heart was overwhelmed".  After she left, later tonight, I have been contemplating what she said and it got me thinking.....

How many of us are so wrapped up in life, or the impacts of our abuse, or the latest drama or trauma in our lives, that we haven't said the words that need to be said to those that we care about?  It takes no time at all to say...."I FORGIVE YOU", I LOVE YOU", "YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME", "YOU BLESS ME ALL THE TIME", "THINKING OF YOU TODAY", "YOU IMPACT ME DAILY"???????

Have you used your verbal communication skils lately??? Have you shared what is on your heart???  Tonight I realized that the words that I wrote to my mother (all words I have felt for 16 years) were 16 years to late.....don't let your words be to late...don't miss out on an opportunity to impact a life of those that you love.  They may never know how you feel or what is on your heart unless you speak it and tell them exactly what your feeling.

What about those that you don't know and your walking by?  Putting your head down so that your not acknowledged or so that you don't have to acknowledge them????  Pick up your head, nod say hello...be the first....

“Strive to be first: first to nod, first to smile, first to compliment, and first to forgive.” - Anonymous

I love this saying.....say it before they think it, say when you mean it, say what you feel.....

Don't do like me and wait 16 years too long.

Love to you all, praying for lives to be changed  :) Movin' and Shakin' going on in my life, I hope yours too.

So, have you ever sat down and thougth about how lucky you truly are?  I mean...truly truly lucky?  How about for having a roof over your head?  Food on your table?  Shoes on your feet?  Your family with you?  How about friends that are there for you no matter what--good or bad?  How about a job?  How about your car?  How about --- How about--- How about????

Last September I received a phone call in the middle of the night, and I missed it.  My dear friend was calling to tell me that her son (also a friend) had gone missing.  She had just taken him to college 6 short days early.  It was very unlike him to not answer text messages or to not be with  someone else.  He went to a party, left alone---never to be seen again.  The picture at the head of my site is a photograph that I took while searching for this young man.  One of the early nights of searching, I turned around and took this picture.  Little did I know till a couple weeks later that God was there. (look closely at the sunset)

Myself and many friends spend 10 long days searching an area about 2.5 hours from where we lived.  Some of us drove up and back every day and some of us stayed.  It didn't matter, God moved our hearts and we knew right where we were called to be.  We collected search parties of hundreds of people, people came out of the woodwork, donations came out of the woodwork, people who were completely new to our lives came out of nowhere to come and help search for this young man.
We hunted residential areas, country, mountains, waterfront, took boats on the waterfront to search.  

I specifically about 4 days into the searching dropping to my knees on the beach crying out to God to help us find him -- give peace to his mother, just let us have a clue, let us hear God's still small voice directing us where to go.  Crying and crying face first in the sand.  WHY COULD THIS HAPPEN!!! 

After frantic searches, thousands of posters, dogs, police, friends, family, strangers, HE WAS FOUND.  He was found in the water.  We may never know what happened that dreadful night, but one thing I do know is that PEOPLE STILL CARE.  People amazed me during this time.  The love, support, generosity was amazing.

I hear so often --- I was abused, it's engulfed my life, I don't know how to  function.....I have advice: PICK UP ONE FOOT AT A TIME AND ALWAYS MOVE  FORWARD.  My friend will never get her son back.  But even though I
was abused, I am here, I am healty, and I AM ALIVE!! What more can I ask  for.  I have amazing family and friends in my life that impact my  everydays.  WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR?????  Or is your heart so engulfed in hate for your offender -- you will never truly love or feel love and you will never truly be able to be thankful for what your life is now---A GIFT!!!

What does this have to do with anything??  Forgiveness---love---caring---understanding---
IF YOU DON'T REACH OUT, IF YOU DON'T STOP THE SILENCE, IF YOU DONT SHARE YOUR STORY---no one can make an impact on your or you on them.  FORGIVENESS will release you from the pain of yourself, so that you can add value and change peoples lives!!!

I have been absolutely shocked at how many times I happen to mention my abuse and how many times the person I am talking to say "I HAVE NEVER TOLD ANYONE......"

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE....work on your hearts, pray, read, connect with others, but I pray for each and everyone of you to be able to FORGIVE---IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE  FOREVER!!

Here is to the first day of the rest of your life.     Love to you all, praying for lives to be changed.

So that was a doozee!  Typed pages for the blog tonight and then I blew it away accidently!  WOOOOPS!

So --- Back in January of 2004, we knew that my bio-dad was going to prison.  We had no idea how long, we hadn't seen him face to face in weeks, but knew that his fate would be set on this day.  I was also really looking forward to the closing of a chapter in my life.  The abuse was over, he was going to prison, I could get on with my life.  I was so excited!!!

BOY WAS I WRONG.  The new life hadn't begun because he still had CONTROL over my life.  The control he had over my life and me was unbearable at times.  Watching over my shoulder, anxiety attacks driving down the road.  I knew I was safe, he was in prison for at least 11 years, he wasn't anywhere he could get to me or hurt me anylonger, but because I hadn't forgiven I was unable to release --or open the goods of my life.  I wasn't able to function most of the time.  I took a long time to get there.  It didn't happen over night, but it was soooo worth it. 

When you finally let go, when you finally release and forgive---not for them, not to trust them, not to say what they did wasn't wrong---but for your own health, for your own life, and for you to be able to survive  YOU WILL BE FREE, YOU WILL BE IN CONTROL, YOU HAVE NOW STOMPED THE ABUSE INTO THE GROUND.

It is so easy for our pasts to control our futures.  Let go of your past so that you can embrace your future!

Love to you all, praying for lives to be changed.

Oh boy!!!  Forgiveness, definitely not the easiest in all that you do and all that you are.  We are human and wea re not
wired for forgiveness.  I wanted to share some stuff for you to work through you grieving...you literally have to grieve the abuse, you have to go through the phases of losing a child, you have to grieve the loss of a parent.  You have to be able to move through the phases. 

Tonight I want to share with you Dr. Frederick Luskin's Forgive For Good.  He discusses 9 steps that could help you with forgiving...and working through the steps to get there---for release for good, to forgive.  The time is now, don't wait --get through the steps!!  Check out his 9 steps to forgiveness and take what you want and leave what you don't.  This isn't just for being abused, can be hurt by a partner, loss of child, ---anytime someone is hurt and needs to forgive.  Please take it from me, takeit from someone who bitterness and anger and poort me engulfed my life, please take it from me....find in yourself to make it through the grieving and get through to forgiveness....you are going to be soooo thankful!!!! 

1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK. Then, tell a trusted couple of people about your experience.
2. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better. Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else.
3. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning of their action. What you are after is to find peace. Forgiveness can be defined as the “peace and understanding that come from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less personally, and changing your grievance story.”
4. Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes – or ten years – ago. Forgiveness helps to heal those hurt feelings.
5. At the moment you feel upset practice a simple stress management technique to soothe your body’s flight or fight response.
6. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life, that they do not choose to give you. Recognize the “unenforceable rules” you have for your health or how you or other people must behave. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, peace and prosperity and work hard to get them.
7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met than through the experience that has hurt you. Instead of mentally replaying your hurt seek out new ways to get what you want.
8. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you. Forgiveness is about personal power.
9. Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive.

The practice of forgiveness has been shown to reduce anger, hurt depression and stress and leads to greater feelings of hope, peace, compassion and self confidence. Practicing forgiveness leads to healthy relationships as well as physical health. It also influences our attitude which opens the heart to kindness, beauty, and love.

Dr. Frederick Luskin, Forgive for Good.  He discusses that despite what we may have heard about forgiveness "journeys," there are really only two steps in the process: grieving and letting go. Grieving, after you have been wronged, means letting yourself feel the anger, hurt, and trauma in all its original pain—but not indefinitely. "After about two years, most people have had plenty of time to process," Luskin explains. "Then they're ready to move on."

Not moving on—hanging on to resentment and rage—is tantamount to having an existential tantrum, according to Luskin. "We think the world owes us," he says. "But it doesn't. Babies die when they're born. Women are raped. Whole ethnic groups are wiped out. There's no such thing as fair. The guy who loses a parking space to a more aggressive driver thinks, "I want that parking space." A mother whose child has been murdered thinks, "I want my child to be alive." Either way, that's sometimes just not how it works."

A ripple of shock runs through the room. How can anyone compare losing a parking space to losing a child? "It's better not to get caught up in content," Luskin says. By content he means each person's individual story, the source of her anger or hurt.

No matter what the offense, he continues, the process of forgiveness is the same: You let go of anger and hurt by being mindful and focusing on gratitude and kindness. Again, the ripple runs around the table. That's it? A little mindful meditation and all is forgiven? Luskin smiles wryly. "Forgiveness concepts are simple," he says. "It's the execution that's hard."

Please message me if you have questions, thoughts, ideas---whatever you need help with??  What can I do to help you find your ULTIMATE FORGIVENESS....

love you all, praying for lives to be changed.

Hey there everyone!!! I am baaaaackkkk...
Sorry lots going on...but here we are back at it again.  The topic tonight is still educating our children!  This is such a topic for me.  Please please please educate your children...don't wait till its to late.  Kids need to know that it's ok to talk to their parents especially about their bodies, their feelings, and what they are going through.  Keep that channel open with your kids no matter what.  It is vital for them to survive their childhood.  It is our jobs as parents, educators, facilitators, aunts, unlces, grandparents, EVERYONE to help educate our chiildren, takes a village to raise one---remember.
Please EDUCATE yours now!

Step 4: Stay Alert
  
Don't Expect Obvious Signs When a Child is Being Sexually Abused. Signs Are
Often There But You've Got to Spot Them.
"Is my son's withdrawal due to preteen angst or is he
being sexually abused?"

 Learn the Signs 
If you find physical signs that you suspect are sexual abuse, have the child
physically examined immediately by a professional who specializes in child
sexual abuse.

 A children's advocacy center can guide you. To find a center near you,
contact the National Children's Alliance at www.nca-online.org or call 1-800-239-9950. The opportunity
to convict a child molester may depend on evidence from an
examination.